Baggage

I was talking to my hubby the the other night and it occured to me that after 10 years of marriage--it's not a matter of NOT having baggage, it's a matter of having MATCHING baggage. Yep, it's a collection--get the whole set! The more that Dave and I delve into our relationship, the more it becomes clear that the voices in our heads have this weird kind of synergy, and that is what triggers some of our reactions to each other.

So, ok, I have this recurring "tape" that plays in my head that says, "you're not doing this right, you're going to get in trouble, are you doing this right?"--does this sound familiar at all to you?

Dave, on the other hand, has a "tape" that plays in his head that says, "you can't do this right, you're going to fail, is this what you should be doing anyway?"

When one of us has our background conversation going on, it influences how we're being, acting, sounding, etc. And THAT triggers the OTHER person's tape!

What Dave and I have been trying, after finding this out, is telling each other when the background conversations, or "tapes" are playing, and what they're saying. This could sound a little goofy, but I'm tellin' ya, it's been very useful to stop the negative mind chatter and we aren't getting annoyed with each other for seemingly no reason.

What do the voices in YOUR head tell you? Have you noticed that when you try to get them to go away, they get louder? Try not taking them so seriously, after all, it's YOUR head and therefore it's not actually reality--it's your mind. Some things I've tried that work....

Humor: this takes away the power of these little voices. I may say to myself when the little monster voices come up, "I bet you can't say that in Chinese!" or I'll sing the classic Muppet "Manamanah" song.

Boredom: hey, you've heard this voice many times before, so just don't give it any power! Try saying to yourself, "thanks for sharing, but no thanks." or "Blah, blah, blah, you bore me with that one."

Visualization: I turned the "you're fat, you're ugly, and no one loves you" conversation into a kickline song-and-dance number featuring Madison J. Frog from Looney Tunes. Very hard to take that mental voice seriously now.

In essence, I guess I'm advocating that you actually listen to the voices in your head instead of resisting them. Hey, it's worth a try, right?